


Scars

by thetransgirlwhoneverwas



Series: Fictober 2019 [7]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Gallifrey (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-27 03:29:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20941550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetransgirlwhoneverwas/pseuds/thetransgirlwhoneverwas
Summary: Narvin has lost a vital part of himself, and all he has gained in return is scars.





	Scars

Narvin sat in the Axis control room staring at his scars.

So intent was he in his contemplation, so lost in his own mind, that he failed to realise Leela was approaching until she spoke.

“What is wrong, Narvin?”

He didn’t answer. He continued to stare at his scars.

“Narvin.”

“I heard you, Leela.”

“Then answer me. What is wrong?”

Narvin again didn’t answer immediately, but before Leela had a chance to draw his attention again, he spoke finally.

“I’ll have these forever.”

Leela didn’t understand his point. “Yes, that is what scars are. Surely those are not your only ones?”

“No, they’re not,” Narvin responded, drawing up his sleeve to reveal a myriad accumulated from, Leela presumed, centuries of working for the Celestial Intervention Agency. Many of them would have come from the training alone, she suspected. She had heard tales of recruits regenerating during training. As far as she knew, Narvin had not, but there was much of Narvin she did not know.

“So why are these any different?” she asked.

“These scars, these...from what Prydon did to me…” Narvin started to answer. “They’re the first I’ve received since...since I lost…”

“Since you lost your ability to regenerate,” Leela finished for him, understanding his point.

“I bore these scars knowing that one day I’d have a body without them,” Narvin continued, not looking at Leela. “Knowing that one day they’d be behind me. But that isn’t going to happen anymore. This is who I am forever now. These scars, and what else?”

He didn’t finish that thought. He only continued to stare at his scars. Leela sighed, and sat down beside him.

“Come to mock me?” Narvin asked, venom in his voice. “To berate me for relying on my biological crutch rather than my own skills?”

To his surprise, Leela’s voice was not filled with condescension and scorn, but warmth.

“I understand what it is like to lose a part of yourself you considered essential,” she said, no hint of deceit in her words. “When I lost my sight I believed I was useless. I believed I had no purpose anymore, that I could not be myself anymore. But I could still help you and Romana. I could still fight Pandora. And I could still assist in the Gallifreys we have visited. I am still myself, and was still myself even when I was blind.”

“But you’re not blind anymore!” Narvin exploded, turning to face her, shaking with rage and despair. The sight made Leela uncomfortable: she was used to displays of emotion like this, but almost never from Narvin. It was like seeing a Horda ignore its prey. “You regained your sight, you got back what you lost! I’ll never get this back, do you understand? I’ll never regenerate, I’ll never have a new body, a new chance! I’ll have these scars forever!”

He was quiet for a moment, trying to force himself back in control of his emotions. He again stared at his scars.

“I’m not even myself anymore,” he muttered at last. “What do I have if not my own identity?”

Leela didn’t move for some time. To Narvin’s surprise, after a few seconds, she took his hand.

“For what it is worth,” she said, “you have me. And you shall always. Whoever we have been to each other in the past, you are my friend now, Narvin. And that shall never change. I can promise you that. I cannot give you back what you have lost. But I can be your friend. That is all I can do.”

Narvin didn’t respond. He didn’t say anything back to her, or anything at all. But he did stop staring at his scars.


End file.
